Hello Kitty!
by Saotome Kyuubi
Summary: Ranma goes Neko once more, however after the events on Mt. Phoenix there have been slight changes. RxA just so you know
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken"

'_Though'_

Author's foreword:

Just so you, the reader, will know. This is a Neko-Ranma story but it is not, I REPEAT, it is not one of those Neko-Ranma fixes everything and humps Akane like a crazed duracell bunny or somesuch stories.

**Hello Kitty!**

Prologue

Neko-Ranma was busy preening herself whilst balancing easily on top of an electricity pole. The 'annoying cat human' had cornered the male half of her 'human-me' with a demand that he leave his mate for her and had upended a pail of water on the two of them when he had refused. The 'annoying cat human' called… Shampoo had been rewarded with a powerful slap that sent her careening towards the horizon. The preening stopped suddenly as Neko-Ranma let out a curious yowl, never before had she or even he been able to assign names to those she interacted with.

The boy, turned girl, turned cat tilted her head in curiosity as her primitive cognitive functions assimilated a slow but steady trickle of information that was stored somewhere in the memory of Neko-Ranma's 'human-me' or as he was known, the cat noted, Saotome Ranma. The memories were incomplete, she noted, and only reached back a few months to a time when the 'human-me' was fighting a large birdlike man-creature that was designated as Saffron.

A fierce growl escaped the cat's lips as her claws dragged deep grooves into the concrete pillar she was perched on. Noticing a curious passerby the redhead hissed at her and bounded off to a more private place in which to sort out this jumble of garbled up memory.

It took only a short while before Ranma was lounging lazily on a large tree branch near the place that her newly acquired memory tagged as 'School'. Now, at her leisure, the neko began shifting through the memories from the earliest to the latest. A piteous yowl escaped the red headed form as she watched 'mate' or Akane shrunk into a small doll, followed by almost every noise, representing every emotion a cat could produce as Neko-Ranma dug through the entire pile of memories.

In the end the tree was nearly torn in half with Ranma pacing on the branch on all fours and in an obviously agitated mindset. The memories had been garbled, with lots that didn't quite make sense to the cat. The main among the things she didn't quite understand was why she and 'mate' hadn't started a litter yet, the attraction certainly was there and she was quite certain that she had established that she was the most suitable as a father… even if she was missing the right equipment at times.

Then again there was the fact that 'mate' and 'human-me' were never left alone. Either it was one of the would-be competitors, their own fathers who were encroaching on their territory, the 'sly one' or something odd, like that 'bird-man'.

A few more agitated paces and then the poor tree received several new slashes that were accompanied by a determined growl as Neko-Ranma decided then and there that she would remove these obstacles… forcibly if necessary.

It was just then that a voice called out interrupting her pacing…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken"

'_Though'_

**Hello Kitty!**

The Neko Cometh.

The 'Blue Thunder' of Furinkan High considered education important, yet there were things that had higher priority in his mind. One of these was to ensure that both of his loved ones were freed from the sorcerous enslavement of the foul Saotome, who had forced the fierce Akane into an engagement and lorded his will over the pig-tailed girl… Why the cretin had forced the innocent young maiden to use the same name as he did.

As such Kuno Tatewaki was most displeased at the turn of events that forced him, along with his class, to attend longer days since they were this year's graduating class. These dark lamentations vanished from his mind as he saw one of his loves, pacing on a tree branch, hissing furiously and occasionally clawing the tree trunk. There was only one logical explanation to such behavior… and he needed to act.

The kendoist raised his bokken and yelled. "My pig-tailed goddess, I see that the sorcerous cretin Saotome has done a deed most foul. To bind a demon of the netherworld to your innocent body just so that he might better enslave you and keep you from your true love. I, upperclassman Kuno, Senior Group E, Captain of the kendo club, undefeated new star of the high school fencing world, Called by my peers the BLUE THUNDER of Furinkan high school will free you from your enslavement."

In response Neko-Ranma stopped her pacing and hissed at him before gracefully leaping to the ground in front of Kuno. The boy in question took this as an omen and quickly pulled out several prayer beads, crucifixes and o-fudas. Without wasting time Kuno then proceeded to slap few o-fuda on the redhead, whose only response was to tilt her head before casually shredding the pieces of paper.

Kuno blinked at the sheer audacity of the demon inhabiting his love's body, wrapped one set of prayer beads around his hand and waved the crucifix with the other while chanting. "The power of Buddha Compels You!"

Off to the sidelines several of Kuno's classmates snickered amongst themselves while Tendo Nabiki only rolled her eyes and muttered "I think you got the wrong religion Kuno-chan…" before raising her camera just in time to capture Neko-Ranma shredding the crucifix that Kuno was waving.

Kuno blanched, the demon was obviously powerful… he would have to resort to extreme measures. As such the kendoist drew forth his bokken and took a ready stance uttered in a most solemn voice. "My love, I regret that I must hurt you to banish the foul creature possessing you. Know that this will pain me even more than it does you."

Again there were several snickers from those who had a slightly more realistic view of the situation in hand… it would hurt Kuno more that it would Ranma. And indeed it did.

As soon as the bokken had moved but a fraction forward the Neko sprang into action. In a blink of an eye the hard wooden blade had been reduced to shreds and second blink later Kuno's clothing followed… revealing his rather 'unique' Akane-Ranma boxers. Kuno stared dumbly at his ruined bokken before suddenly screaming in pain as Neko-Ranma's front paw flashed towards him and then down the front of his boxers.

Most of the audience gasped, some due the tacky choice of underwear the 'Blue Thunder' was wearing, but most due the fact that the boy suddenly dropped what was left of his boxers and cradled his male equipment while wailing in agony and taking off towards the nurse's office in a limping run.

Nabiki took the opportunity to take a few more pictures of Ranma while she was still thanking whatever Kami that listened for not letting Neko-Ranma completely neuter Kuno… her profits would suffer if the self appointed samurai would lose interest in girls. Her brand new digital camera made a soft 'click' as she took yet another picture. The middle Tendo sister was about to press the capture button again when a little something suddenly drew her attention… it was the fact that Neko-Ranma seemed to be staring straight at the camera. Nabiki gulped as the girl turned cat let out a playful meow and put on a 'Cat that ate the canary' grin.

Taking a step back the girl noticed that there was a sudden empty space around her as everyone seemed to back away. And then Ranma was there, a paw went up and the came down eliciting a shriek from the startled Nabiki. For a moment nothing seemed to happen… until Nabiki felt a breeze, then another. The girl's eyes flew open as she tried in vain to hold her disintegrating clothing together. There was a loud "Oooh!" from the male audience as the 'Ice-Queen' of Furinkan stood there wearing only her underwear.

Ranma let out a small "Meorw" before gently batting Nabiki and casually creating a small cut to one of her bra straps. The, now cherry-red, girl let out a shriek and then bolted towards the girls locker rooms' only to come to a screeching halt as Neko-Ranma deftly leaped over her and, again gently, nudged her towards the Tendo compound. The middle Tendo daughter shrieked again as she felt one of the shoulder-straps of her bra give away.

A shrieking Nabiki, followed by Neko-Ranma, ran past her classmates who where whispering among themselves. Her ears burned as she picked the little things like "Wow… she sure has a nice body.", "Ooh baby." and what was worse a whispered question of "Kami… is she really wearing what I think she is wearing." That and there was a distinctive 'click' of a camera shutter.

Gosunguki Hikaru froze in fright as Neko-Ranma suddenly came to a halt and tilted her head towards him. The self styled voodoo priest began to stammer something as he was being stalked by the redhead. Ranma let out a loud "MEORW" and then tilted her head curiously at the twitching lump of unconscious flesh that was Gosunguki. She then gave a nonchalant shrug, picked up the boy's camera in her mouth and took off in a brisk trot.

Nabiki was hiding in some bushes. She had calmed some as Ranma had apparently lost interest in her. Already her mind was assessing the situation and seeking out possible solutions to the problems at hand. Not to mention hatching several plans to make the pigtailed boy's life as miserable as possible for the indignity she had suffered. She suddenly stiffened as a low 'Mrrooow' came from behind her, followed by a soft nudge that effectively cut the second shoulder strap from her bra. Nabiki did the only thing she could… she ran…

-----

Kasumi tilted her head as Nabiki rushed past her, clad only in panties and a bra that she was holding to her chest. She didn't quite have the time to even comment on the event as her younger sister let out a shriek, tossed a camera to her and took off towards the staircase in a full run. Kasumi just blinked before saying "Oh my… how cute underwear."

That was the time she took note of Ranma who was on all fours and held a camera in his mouth. Kasumi smiled and extended her hand towards the redhead and said. "My… aren't you a good kitty. Good kitties like tuna don't they?"

As Akane came downstairs she was greeted with the sight of Ranma purring happily as she pushed her head against Kasumi's legs. A vein bulged on Akane's forehead as she was yet to completely calm down from the debacle with Shampoo earlier… and now her perverted fiancé was all over Kasumi of all people.

However, Neko-Ranma stopped head butting Kasumi's legs before Akane could bring about her plan to visit corporal punishment on her fiancé. With a mighty leap and exceedingly happy "Meeooow!" the cat pounced to Akane's lap and curled there all the while mewling happily and softly butting her head against the girl's shoulder and chin.

Akane's anger evaporated instantly when Kasumi remarked. "Ranma-chan is so good a kitty and so open with his feelings when he's like that."

Truth be told, she got an illicit thrill from Ranma going to neko-mode as the boy was indeed more open with his feelings in that state… why he had even kissed her once. A small blush began to creep up her cheeks as the girl remembered the kiss… and a little something else. She'd overheard Saotome Genma explaining the Neko-ken to her father once, something about the cat enacting Ranma's emotions without his usual inhibitions and such. Not that she would ever confess that she was pleased that the pigtailed boy had feelings for her, not even under considerably painful torture… and definitely not before the baka confessed his feelings in that regard first.

This was the moment that several things happened once. Ranma had began purring and now reached out and gave Akane a languid lick that went from the point of her chin to her ear. The door separating the living room from the hallway was torn open by their two fathers, who interpreted the situation in their own way and began one of their silly victory dances on the spot. Akane became completely embarrassed and went on autopilot, in which she normally took her frustration out on her fiancé… only to find that Ranma was no longer in arm's reach.

Tendo Soun noticed the same thing as well, when he was suddenly toppled by a somewhat powerful slap that sent him tumbling backwards. True to his nature the man sought to avoid confrontation and started backing away from Ranma who was steadily advancing on his position. Casting a quick glance at his friend and training partner the man cursed under his breath as Genma had procured a glass of water and was now pulling a 'I'm just a cute panda' act.

The Tendo patriarch tried to convince his, hopefully soon to be, son-in-law of the errors of his way, whilst still backing from the martial artist that was stalking him. He retreated further and then even further until the man suddenly tumbled backwards and fell flat on his back to the Tendo backyard. With agility borne from countless of years of martial arts practice Soun leaped to his feet only to start his retreating anew.

Only this time Ranma began a slow circling motion, completely ignoring Akane's calls and Soun's pleas, the girl began to herd her target around the house and towards the exit. Soon enough the head of the Tendo family was outside his own gate and backed against the neighbour's wall. Ranma, however, stopped advancing and let out a last menacing hiss before turning around and flicking some dirt towards the older man in a show of contempt. As she began her trek back to the house Soun decided that it was safe to return and took a tentative step towards the gate… only to freeze completely as Ranma stopped, turned her head and hissed in a low and dangerous tone.

Meanwhile Kasumi had heated some water and changed Genma back to human and was now waiting for Ranma to show up so she could douse the girl with warm water and bring the boy out of the Neko-ken. Kasumi could only mouth "Oh my!" in her surprise, as dousing Ranma with hot water only served to change the girl to a boy without snapping him out of his feral mindset.

Genma noticed this too as a powerful slap sent him sailing through the living room and outside through the open shoji doors and directly to the koi-pond. Genma's Jusenkyo curse had barely time to kick in, and the lumbering panda even less time to stand properly, before Neko-Ranma was upon him again. A fierce yowl and a 'pat' from his paws sent the bear like mammal to the wall that surrounded the Tendo compound.

Genma growled, shook his head and produced a sign that said. "Are you out of your mind boy?" The panda then swallowed as it observed the neatly cleaved sign and the deep gouges in the wall where his head had been only seconds before. Another sign, this stating "Now, now boy, let's not be hasty!' was brought forth and demolished in quick order, after which Ranma hissed angrily and pounced…

Moments later a panda was flung through the Tendo gate. Had anyone paid attention they would have noted that the animal's eyes were wide with fear, had missing patches of fur and was bleeding profusely from a multitude of lacerations and bite marks. Soun, who had been in the process of sneaking back through the gate, quickly backed next to the panda as Ranma bared his teeth and hissed menacingly.

Kasumi, who had followed the Saotomes to the gate, assessed the situation and finally said. "Father, I think you should try to enter the gate."

After observing the Tendo patriarch approaching Ranma and the boy's subsequent reaction to him Kasumi smiled happily. "I think Ranma-kun is beginning to show territorial behaviour. My, seems that he is removing all other males from Akane's vicinity. Isn't that sweet?"

The panda just stared at her while Soun began to wail about the injustice of being thrown out of his own home and begged Ranma to snap out of it and Kasumi to help him snap out of it.

The eldest Tendo daughter just smiled brightly and said. "Don't worry father, you and Uncle Saotome can have a fun night of camping out. It'll be just like the good old days when you were training with Grandfather Happosai. I'll be sure to pack your things for you."

Only louder wailing responded this statement.

-----

Soon afterwards Ranma was happily purring on Akane's lap as she and Kasumi were conversing in the living room. While she was petting her kittyfied fiancé, the youngest daughter suddenly remembered something and turned to her sister. "Say neechan. Did you see Nabiki as she came in… what I mean is that was Nabiki actually running through the house in her underwear?"

Kasumi took a sip of tea before nodding demurely and adding. "Yes she was… and it was that cute Hello Kitty underwear set even." The older girl then suddenly rose to her feet and said. "I almost forgot. Ranma-chan had a camera in her mouth and Nabiki-chan gave me one too."

Moments later the two girls were looking through the pictures in the cameras, with Akane going through Nabiki's camera and Kasumi through Gosunkuki's. The younger girl had a predictable reaction to seeing pictures of Ranma, both as a boy and a girl, and herself in Nabiki's camera… most likely for purposes not morally acceptable. Luckily for Nabiki the camera was rather sturdy so it wasn't quite crushed in the female martial artist's grip.

Kasumi on the other hand shuffled through the pictures and murmured softly. "My… Nabiki-chan has such a cute blush here. Oh and there are pictures of you during gym class too Akane-chan."

As a result Akane made a grab for the other camera and started going through its contents. A frown appeared on her face, followed by several veins visibly bulging as she took note of the contents. "Some pervert has been photographing me all this time… grrr wait till I find out who it is. I'll clobber him."

The frown was replaced with a rather evil grin as she finally got to the pictures of Nabiki. Akane gently patted the boy who was purring on her lap and said. "Now that's a good kitty… now I just need to hide this camera and…" The rest faded into an inaudible mumble.

Her sister frowned slightly before saying. "Now Akane-chan that isn't very nice is it…"

Akane just sighed and rolled her eyes, sometimes her sister was just too kind.

-----

After changing into her pajamas, Akane streched languidly and let out a luxurious yawn. The evening had been eventful, what with Saotome Nodoka returning only to find out yet another 'training accident' her husband had caused during the training trip. The poor woman had been reduced to tears when Ranma had pulled a happy cat act on her… after the Saotome family sword had been removed from the room that was.

The blue haired girl sighed happily when she remembered her little 'outing' with Neko-Ranma. The boy had, at one point after dinner, started to show signs of wanting out. Thankfully Kasumi's prediction of Ranma wanting to use the sandbox had been wrong, although at one point Akane had hoped it wasn't. That was simply because the alternative was rather… intimidating. Neko-Ranma had wanted them to visit the Neko-Hanten.

Once they had reached the den of the Chinese Amazons one of them, namely Shampoo, had tried to glomp on Ranma. Tried was the emphasized word as she had been batted straight to the wall hard enough to leave an indentation. She was soon followed by Mousse, who after seeing what had happened to his beloved charged the boy gone cat.

The café emptied of customers quite quickly after that.

Cologne was the only one of the amazons to keep her wits about her, not to mention she had already tested Neko-Ranma's mettle and had no intention of fighting him anywhere near the Neko-Hanten if at all. Seeing that the hissing boy was currently being held back by Akane the shrivelled old woman decided to play for time. "So… looks like son-in-law is in the Neko-ken again. Might I ask what caused it and what made you bring him here?"

Akane shot a meaningful glare towards Shampoo's crumpled form causing the old crone to raise a speculative eyebrow. "So I see it was my great-granddaughter who caused this… but tell me girl why bring him here?"

Akane bristled at the accusing tone, incidentally causing Ranma to arch his back and hiss menacingly. The young girl held the boy back, however and heatedly answered Cologne. "Look I didn't bring him here, he brought me here. He's been behaving weird all day, drove our fathers out from the house and beat up Kuno…" The young girl let out a comtemplative 'hmm' before continuing. "…well not that him beating Kuno is anything out of the ordinary. And he chased Nabiki around as well."

Had Akane been bit more experienced in reading people or had the ancient woman been slightly less schooled in controlling her emotions it would have been obvious how unsettled the Amazon elder was with this new twist of events. A mad dash towards the nearest container of cold water, a deft movement of hand and a hasty retreat later Cologne was staring at a rather irritated and dripping wet Akane who was barely holding a furious red-head back. The old woman swallowed with some difficulty when she noticed that her right sleeve now sported four neat cuts, with chi-claws having come only a hair's breadth from cutting her wrinkled old hide.

Trying to cover her nervousness the Amazon coughed slightly. "Well… it seems that son-in-law…" Ranma growled menacingly again at this and Cologne hastily corrected. "…that Ranma has uncovered yet another aspect of the dreaded Neko-ken. I understand that triggering his curse usually works to snap him out of it… most curious."

Mulling over the fact the woman used her staff to hop over the stove and put a kettle on, then turning over her shoulder she fixed Ranma and Akane with a questioning look. "Perhaps I could interest you in some ramen while we discuss this… I do need more information before I can discern what son-in… Ranma wants." As an afterthought she added with a small wink. "We do have… seafood ramen too."

Akane wasn't quite so certain if she wanted anything that might be laced with something dubious but Ranma seemed to perk up at the idea of an extra meal as she started pacing around Akane and rubbing herself against her legs. Deciding that getting any insight from the old woman would be worth the risk she just nodded her head and began patting Ranma who was still circling her and meowing every now and then.

Soon after Neko-Ranma, was happily meowing having gorged himself with delicious shrimp and crab ramen. Cologne observed the boy who was happily accepting a petting from his fiancée. The old woman let out a sigh and addressed the said fiancée. "In the light of the recent events I think it is safe to say that the boy has become more aware of his other persona than before. To think that he would have been able to push himself to a point so quickly, so young… but then I guess that is part of what makes him Ranma."

Casting a surreptitious glance towards the still unconscious forms of Mousse and Shampoo she sighed again. "As it stands I think trying to force him to the Joketsuzoku would cause… problems should he enter the Neko-ken, worse yet should he master it."

Noticing the dawning look of hope on Akane's face the old woman snorted. "We are not giving up on him but I suppose one has to make some concessions. Shampoo's claim on Ranma stands until he has rejected her in favour of another woman in ways that cannot be disputed. Still I suppose trying to force him, coerce him with drugs or eliminating the opposition would be off the table now." The woman sighed wearily. "Well… at least great-granddaughter is beautiful and willing… and the hearts of men are fickle."

Akane's smile had grown, faltered and then vanished entirely as Cologne held her little speech. After a slight internal debate the girl finally decided to risk the question that came out hesitantly and shyly. "Eh… how would he reject Shampoo in ways that could not be disputed?"

Akane experienced a sinking feeling in her stomach as the old woman cackled dryly before tossing a piece of shrimp to Neko-Ranma. She then exploded in a full blush and denials as the woman cackled out. "Why Ranma here would have to get you pregnant… that's how."

With a maniacal glee the old woman observed stammering denials from the girl before continuing in a rather sinister tone. "Well… not that you should have any problems with that. The shrimp I just tossed to the cat was laced with passion spice. Oh yes… no problem at all."

Akane's eyes went wide as dinner plates as she suddenly found herself backpedaling from Ranma and the wrinkled old incarnate of evil. Neko-Ranma just titled his head in curiosity and let out a 'meow?' before jumping in front of Akane who was now plastered against the wall and had her hands in front of her as if to ward off something.

Cologne's cackling changed tone as the old woman nearly fell off the stick she was balancing on. "Young ones… no sense of humour there." Akane, blinked, stood up and dusted herself and then stomped off with a loud harrumph with Neko-Ranma on her heels. She swore that she could hear Cologne's amused cackling halfway to the Dojo.

-----

In the Tendo home Nabiki was still hiding in her room. She had ventured out once only to see happily purring Ranma… her retreat was quite hasty after that.

Kasumi and Nodoka had been discussing the Neko-ken in the livingroom. After Ranma's mother had cried herself dry and had sworn to make her husband suffer their discussion turned to matters of heart.

Sipping her tea Kasumi smiled at Nodoka before saying. "I understand that you want grandchildren Auntie but Ranma and Akane are too young. They are not even out of high school yet and… well I feel they should get as good education as possible and that would mean university."

Nodoka was about to argue but then slumped her shoulders slightly in defeat, not even she could battle the 'Kasumi-effect' and argue with the girl while she was smiling so serenely. Nodding thoughtfully she sipped her own tea and said. "Well… I suppose I could wait for a few more years. It's just that I just want to…"

Kasumi just smiled and said. "I know Auntie and I'm sure they will have adorable kids." Both women had a dreamy look on their eyes as they imagined little Akane and Ranma copies scampering around.

The older woman suddenly frowned. "Still… I'm bit worried with all these other… girls that are running around. And my fool of a husband and your father haven't really made any progress in trying to bring them together."

The eldest Tendo girl nodded slowly before, almost hesitantly, said. "Well… daddy and Uncle Saotome have been too… forceful in their attempts. Akane-chan has had some bad experiences with boys in their school and Ranma… well Uncle Saotome has trained him pretty well to avoid showing any 'girly' emotions."

Nodoka sighed and mumbled something about stupid husbands. Surprisingly Kasumi nodded almost imperceptibly and said. "Auntie if I may… perhaps it would be time for a mother's touch in all this. We should talk to both of them and… well try not to force them into anything. Akane is very stubborn girl and would react badly if pushed, just like Ranma."

The Saotome matriarch was thoughtful for a moment before she nodded and said. "You are probably right Kasumi-chan. And now that my… husband and Tendo-san are out of the house for the time being we might actually be uninterrupted for a while. We will talk to them once this strange ailment my son is afflicted with passes."

-----

Akane had returned short after the conversation between her sister and Ranma's mother took place. A quick bath and some furious tooth brushing later she was in her room, in her pajamas and ready for bed. Stretching again she blushed to her ears as she recalled Cologne's prank and mumbled under her breath about 'Wrinkled old ghouls'.

She blushed even more as she thought about having a baby with Ranma and even more as she recalled another snippet of conversation between Genma and her father. It had been during the part-time panda's explanation to the Neko-ken when the said man had gotten a brilliant idea on how to unite the schools. Simply wait until it was 'good' time of the month for Akane, put Ranma in Neko-ken and let nature take its course.

She had stormed in at that part and given the stodgy martial artist the mallet… on the head, hard and repeatedly. Her father had been too afraid to come anywhere near her for a few days afterwards and Genma had scampered off her path for a week.

She smiled fondly at the memory, only to freeze as a small 'Meow' echoed through her room. Akane whirled around only to see Ranma sitting there and letting out small noises from his throat. The dark haired girls thoughts were frantic. _'Oh my god… it's that time of the month. Just like Uncle Saotome said and oh no… Is that why Ranma is not snapping out of the Neko-ken… gods no. And he's in my bedroom.'_

Akane started backing away slowly from Ranma who began his advance. They moved in unison until Akane's legs bumped against her bed causing her to stop and then the Neko pounced.

Akane let out a muffled scream as she landed on her back on the bed with Neko-Ranma on all fours over her. A quiet 'mrrrroow' was followed by a wet lick from the base of her neck to her ear, a few gentle headbutts and then the Neko moved slightly and slumped bonelessly next to her and began purring contently.

The young girl just blinked and then slowly brought her hand to trace the path of Ranma's tongue before sighing in relief and… was it disappointment. Not that she was ready or willing to actually do the deed but a small part of her was rather disappointed that the boy hadn't been slightly more amorous. With a sigh, and while berating herself for being a pervert, Akane turned slightly and began absently rubbing Ranma eliciting louder purring from the boy turned cat.

-----

The two of them had almost drifted off to sleep when a furious 'BWEE!' disturbed them. Ryoga was having a bad day… again. He had been lost and then he'd been sprayed by a freak accident involving a rupturing watermain… and now, just when he was finally going to reap rewards for his hardships, the ultimate cause of all his problems was there, sullying Akane's bed. Ryoga saw red and charged…

Akane's eyes snapped open as she heard her pet, a cold feeling set itself into her stomach and she tried to stop Neko-Ranma from acting. Tried was the appropriate term as the boy beside her had sprung into action before P-chan's initial 'BWEE!' had even faded away.

Eyes ablaze and growling menacingly the Neko met the pig in air and slammed the porcine form of his rival into the floor… hard. Before Ryoga could gather his wits he was sent sailing through the air and headfirst into the nearest wall. Trying to blink out the stars that were engulfing his vision the lost boy felt his danger sense tingling and came to the conclusion that Ranma had finally gone mad as the other boy was slowly stalking him on all fours.

Ryoga sighed in relief as Akane, who was extremely worried about her pet as even normally P-chan was on Ranma's black list, brought her mallet to bear in an attempt to save her pet. The relief turned to dread as his pig-tailed nemesis casually cut the wooden instrument of pain into neat pieces without even touching it.

Akane just stared at the destroyed mallet and then muttered a pleading "Ranma… please." as the boy turned back to stalking her pet. Only reaction from the boy was a slight pause in his advance and a low hiss that promised untold pain and suffering for P-chan.

Later Ryoga could honestly say that he had very few recollections of what had happened as Neko-Ranma swatted him around like a chew-toy. The little piglet was covered in bruises, cuts and scrapes and was in no condition to even to try and run away. Surprisingly, at least to Akane, Ranma wasn't out to kill P-chan, although she surmised that the only reason the piglet survived the trashing was because Ranma's previous abuse on him had toughened the pig up.

As for the Neko, he was enjoying himself immensely… at least until an unfortunate mishap robbed him of his little plaything. The scuffle had led out from Akane's room and down the stairs, quite painfully for P-chan as he'd been bounced downwards one stair at a time, eventually the trio found themselves in the living room… and then the accident happened. Neko-Ranma batted P-chan playfully across the living room but didn't take notice off the single thermos that was on the table. The thermos ended up being crushed between the pig and the wall and cracked, spilling its contents on P-chan.

Akane stood stock still, still clutching the bokken she had brought earlier in case she'd have an opening to distract Ranma long enough for her pet to escape. She just stood there and stared at the now half-naked Ryoga who'd pulled a set of clothes out of nowhere and was busily trying to dress. She didn't even notice Ranma pushing against her legs and meowing fiercely as if to egg her on. Her mind was blank as she tried to piece together what had just transpired, images of Ranma sneaking to her room with a kettle when he was still a boy flashed past her eyes, then images of Ranma calling Ryoga P-chan and P-chan Ryoga.

She blinked a few times as the scene where her little pet piglet was doused with water from the broken thermos and was replaced with Ryoga, her friend. Who had betrayed her, who had made Ranma appear more perverted than he actually was, who had used his curse to sleep in her bed, who had used his curse to watch her undress, who had used his curse to snuggle against her chest. Who was a pervert…

Akane's mind turned from blank to feeling of betrayal, followed by anger. Then her mind discarded anger in favour of rage as her battle aura began to manifest itself in a menacing magnitude, so menacing that it was actually visible to the naked and untrained eye. With a warcry of "**DIE PERVERT!"** the girl charged Ryoga with her bokken held high.

Rest of the household started to gather downstairs only to come to the scene of Akane chasing half-naked Ryoga around the yard with a bokken. Adding his own to the chaotic scene was Neko-Ranma who was hopping around, tripping Ryoga at opportune moments and obviously enjoying the fact that his 'mate' had decided to play too. The eternally lost boy finally lost his footing as Ranma playfully batted his right leg and tumbled face first into the wall that surrounded the Tendo compound.

Just as soon as he managed to wrench his head from the indentation in the wall stars exploded into his vision. Akane had caught up with him and with speeds bordering the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken brought her bokken down on his head again and again. When she finally wound down the bokken was but a broken piece of wood and Ryoga's head sported quickly swelling bumps upon bumps. With a final kick to the dazed boys groin Akane turned on her heel and stomped off towards the assembled family members.

A muffled groan carried through the night air "It's all Ranma's fault!' entering Akane's ears causing her to go completely rigid. Only thing that indicated that she was a living being instead of a statue was the visible twitching of her eyebrow and several bulging veins on her forehead. With a forced smile she took several mechanical steps forward and addressed her potential mother-in-law. "Auntie… could I please borrow the Saotome family sword?"

Kasumi and Nabiki tried to reach for the sword before it could be delivered and murder would be done but Nodoka was faster than them. With a deadpan expression Akane turned towards Ryoga and drew the blade with a metallic 'Sshkt'. Ryoga gulped and tried to back away but the wall was on his way. And then the chase was on again, with Ryoga screaming in terror and Akane trying her best to skewer the boy with a real live katana and Neko-Ranma bouncing around yowling happily. Luckily for everyone involved Ryoga took a wrong turn while running around the koi-pond and ended up in the pond itself. Akane stopped for the briefest moment and then a pig shaped missile shot out from the pond like Kodachi's pet Midori-kame itself had been there. Two hops and the piglet was on top of the wall and then it was gone. Akane herself, in her blind rage, had jumped on the wall but there was no trace of Ryoga anywhere… she was about to sic Ranma on the trail, find and fillet the pervert but Kasumi had already taken measures to distract the Neko. A can of tuna and a platter of milk seemed to do the trick.

Silently the youngest Tendo daughter hopped down from the wall, stalked to the house, handed back the loaned sword and growled "I'm going to go to sleep." before stalking inside… soon her door was slammed shut with enough force to send tremors through the whole house.

Ranma let out a piteous yowl… the play had ended and 'mate' was upset.

-----

Akane tossed in her bed again then turned around again… and again. She was seething as she tried to muster hate towards Ranma who had obviously known about the curse, she failed though and had to settle with anger for the time being. _'Ooh that jerk is going to get it tomorrow… I'll beat the stuffing out of him and… if I ever see Ryo… Hibiki again I'll take him to the vet and have him neutered. Or to the taxidermist maybe… I'd give him to that ditz Azusa but that would be too kind.'_

Turning around yet again and pressing a pillow against her ear to muffle the scratching noise and piteous yowls that came from the hallway she cursed silently. She had been tossing around for more than an hour, trying to think why Ranma would withhold such information from her. It was impossible to fathom that the boy would do something out of spite, certainly he was immature and a complete jerk at times but something like that wasn't just his style.

That was when she remembered that Ranma had answered "Can't tell you I promised." to her question as to why he and Ryo… that pervert fought so often. '_Could it be that the pervert had somehow extracted a promise from Ranma at one point or the other?'_ Her musings were interrupted as a door opened in the hall, pitterpatter of feet and then her door opened a fraction so that Neko-Ranma could slip inside. Akane only heard a soft "There, there kitty!" whispered by Kasumi before the door closed again. She sighed, at least he wasn't clawing her door and yowling in the hall anymore.

Ranma hopped on Akane's bed and sniffed her from head to toe before letting out a small yowl of contentment and flopping down bonelessly next to the girl. Akane tried to muster some anger but failed miserably when Ranma began purring and instead of cuffing him scratched his ear. The boy purred and rolled over flopping his 'paws' partially over his 'mate' causing Akane to blush… soon the boy fast asleep leaving Akane alone to contend with her feelings.

Her eyes snapped open with an audible pop, there was someone in her bed and that certain someone was draped over her. Before her reflexes sent the intruder flying the said intruder mumbled softly "Mhrrrh…kane…" Suddenly she remembered, it was Ranma… with a blush she also remembered when the boy had apparently transitioned from cat sleep to human sleep and had wrapped his arm around her. She had been awake most of the night trying to make sense of the jumble of emotions and remembered clearly how she'd been collected into a warm embrace by her sleeping fiancé.

Suddenly she went completely rigid and then completely red, even her toes were probably red. She tried to rouse her fiancé with a sharp hiss of "Ranma, wake up you jerk." but to no avail. Even an elbow in the gut didn't work and trying to squirm out of his embrace was an exercise of futility.

If possible she blushed even more when another elbowing caused Ranma's grip to tighten and the boy mutter out. "Mhhh five more minu… kane-chan."

Elbowing him for the third time and almost yelling, though not loud enough to be heard outside her room, she whispered harshly. "Ranma you pervert WAKE UP!"

Her fiancé's eyes snapped open and he muttered "I'm up, I'm up!" before looking around and noticing his surroundings. Ranma's eyes darted around the room and finally settled on the red face of his fiancée. Blinking twice the boy muttered "Eh… Akane?"

The girl in question growled. Then growled again and finally ground out. "Could you take your hands off me?"

Ranma blinked again in confusion and moved first his right hand, which was under him and then his left hand which wasn't. His left hand was tugged away somewhere nice and warm and was resting on a soft pillow. Confused and still downright half asleep the boy gave the pillow a slight squeeze eliciting a gasp and a louder growl from Akane. Amazed Ranma followed his arm from his shoulder and watched it vanish under Akane's pajama top shortly below his elbow. Dumbly the boy stared at his hand that was obviously on Akane's breast, he had to be dreaming as he'd be dead should such a thing occur in real life.

It was only when Akane practically yelled, half stammered was more like it, "Wha-what the hell are you doing you pervert." that Ranma realized he'd given another squeeze. That was also the time when he actually realized that he was in Akane's bed, with his hand in Akane's pajama, squeezing her left… his analysis didn't quite have the time to reach any further when the door opened.

The two teenagers sat up in unison, whipped their heads towards the door and met the eyes of their sister and mother respectively. Both were very much surprised, Kasumi was somewhat disapproving at the situation while Nodoka beamed as her manly son and his fiancée were all touchy-feely so early in the morning. With a small bow and muttered apology Kasumi shut the door leaving the two frozen teenagers in the room. Outside Nodoka was beaming happily and said. "I don't think it's necessary for us to… talk with them after all."

Kasumi just nodded, still somewhat shocked, before saying. "No Auntie I expect there is no need…" She sighed. "But I do think we'll need to see getting Akane an appointment for contraceptives."

Back in Akane's room Ranma-OS was finalizing its emergency boot and was starting to activate several self-preservation protocols. Suddenly the pig-tailed boy's face turned towards his fiancée with a snap and he yanked his arm off Akane as if she was red hot. Backing away from Akane, who was currently doing a great imitation of her namesake, he stammered out denials.

Suddenly it occurred to Akane that she'd just been felt up by Ranma and a more familiar and comforting path presented itself. Grabbing the nearest blunt item that came to hand, a dumbbell, she began to advance on the boy who suddenly blurted out. "Look I wouldn't even be here if Kasumi hadn't let me in."

Both froze, the clock ticked and suddenly they both spoke at the same time. "You/I can remember what happened?"

In response to their question the pigtailed boy scratched his head before answering. "Well it's all sort of jumbled up… but I think I took out Kuno and then… Uh I think I chased Nabiki through the neighbourhood in her underwear." The last part came out in a very nervous tone as his voice died down and Ranma began to inch his way towards the door while chuckling nervously.

Akane shook herself from the shock when her door was cracked ever so slightly and effectively halted Ranma's advance with a thrown dumbbell that imbedded itself into the door right next to the boy's head. With a growl the girl advanced, grabbed her fiancé from the front of his shirt and slammed him against the door. "Now then buster… why is Ryoga P-chan… AND WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

All Ranma was able to produce was a brilliant. "Uhhh."

Later Ranma stumbled downstairs with a dazed expression and very visible handprint on his left cheeck. Both Nodoka and Kasumi grimaced at the sight. It seemed that Akane had pummelled the poor boy near to the point of concussion. The boy flopped down and tried to focus his uncooperative eyes on Nodoka's form. With a slurring voice he said. "Money… need… dance… restaurant."

The women exchanged a look before Kasumi gently prodded him with a question. "Ranma-kun what happened to you."

Ranma smiled dumbly despite the obviously painful handprint. "Kiss… Akane… good."

The women blinked again before Kasumi summarized it all with a well placed. "Oh my!"

-----

Ranma-OS was running on the point of overheating. It had nothing to do with the fact that he'd been slapped extremely hard for being a 'Moronic baka'. Surprisingly that was the worst damage he took from keeping Ryoga's curse a secret. A slap and being called a baka because he had blamed himself for getting the boy cursed.

No… Ranma-OS was trying to avoid a syntax error from the fact that afterwards he had inquired if Akane was still mad at him. She was, she said that much. So mad in fact that she decided that she would continue to be very mad but since he was so nice as to 'ask' her to the upcoming school dance with him, not to mention 'offering' to take her to a fancy restaurant before the said dance that she simply couldn't stay mad at him and would graciously accept his apology.

Ranma had been about to protest that he didn't have the money for one, second he hadn't even planned on going to the stupid dance and he most certainly hadn't promised to do so with Akane. He never got the chance as his fiancée simply said. "Thank you Ranma." Then she pulled a trick so foul that it left Ranma in a completely helpless state… she kissed him… and then pushed him out of the door.

He was so engrossed that he almost missed Akane stopping in astonishment, not that he registered that for a good ten or so paces before stopping himself and looking in confusion at the girl who was pointing a finger at him and stammering inanely. "You… you are a guy?"

Ranma blinked, felt his chest and then raised an eyebrow. "So? You finally went totally nuts huh?"

In response Akane huffed and pointed at the building they had just passed. "Look at the place, will you?"

Ranma blinked, it was the house where the old woman he had dubbed 'Ladle-ninja from hell' resided. Blinking again he patted his chest just to make sure he was still a guy and then began warily stalking towards the gate with his back pressed against the wall for extra protection. Taking a careful peek through the gate he could see the old woman calmly sitting on a small pillow and sipping some hot tea. The old woman looked at him, seemingly curious, and Ranma gave an embarrassed smile before retreating hastily. He didn't quite fail to notice a neatly cleaved ladle that was set against the wall and smiled knowingly.

The old woman blew to her tea and decided that she was too old to deal with someone who could use the Neko-ken. In her mind she began to draft a letter to her grandmasters in the Irony Fist Shinobi clan… if the Kami wanted to mess with Jusenkyo cursed people they could bloody well get someone younger to do it. Or do it themselves for all she cared.

A/N:

o-fuda are magical papercharms that are used, among other things, to drive off evil spirits and demons and such.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken" fiancée

'_Though'_

**Hello Kitty!**

--- EPILOGUE ---

The pigtailed boy sighed. He'd been right and taking Akane to the school dance had sparked Fiancée Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Rivals. Still it hadn't been quite that bad since he'd gotten his third kiss from Akane after they had left the restaurant he'd taken her… with Genma's money much to the Panda's dismay. The second kiss had been a reward for turning Ukyo down when she approached him about the dance.

First half had been fine, until Shampoo had crashed through the wall and demanded that her 'Airen' dance with her. All would have been fine and normal and there would have been a fight between Ukyo and Shampoo and Kodachi, who had also shown up, were it not for the fact that Tatewaki Kuno had been up to no good and had liberally spiked the punch in hopes of getting either or both of his loves to reveal their true feelings. Fortunately Ranma didn't get splashed and his male half had a reasonable tolerance for alcohol… unfortunately Akane didn't have quite the capacity and she was somewhat tipsy.

As a result she, due feeling threatened by Shampoo's arrival on top of the other fiancées or fiancée wannabes, reacted by pulling Ranma into their fourth kiss… and first with tongues and all… and in front of everybody no less. It should be noted that Ranma was far too stunned to actually return the kiss but that didn't matter for those who fancied themselves as potential love interests for either Ranma or Akane.

Ranma winced as he moved slightly, favouring his left shoulder where Kuno's bokken had cut his suit. Not that there weren't more similar wounds all over his body seeing as he'd tried his best to keep Akane out of the way of flying kitchen implements, spiked clubs and other such things.

The girl in question was snoring gently in his arms, sleeping off the alcohol that had been slipped into her drink and presumably dreaming of a certain pig-tailed martial artists since she was very reluctant to let go. So reluctant that Ranma had given up on trying to pry her off himself and just resigned to the fate that he'd probably be beaten up in the morning again. Unless their fathers found the two of them from the Dojo attic… then he'd get beaten up and most likely stuffed into a wedding kimono. The boy tilted his head. _'Come to think of it they've been awfully quiet about us going to the dance together… the fools probably have a wedding planned for tomorrow anyway. Or something totally underhanded like a trip to a local 'Rabu-Rabu Hoteru''_

Ranma sighed, looked around to make sure there was no-one watching and snuck a quick and guilty kiss on Akane's forehead before leaning back and muttering. "Ah hell… it'll be worth it."

That and seeing Nabiki's face when he threw a few comments about cute Hello Kitty underwear was priceless…

A/N:

rabu-rabu hoteru is… dun dun dun… yes it's a love hotel!

Anyway I kind of cooked this up whilst having a pneumonia and being totally delirious from the meds and fever combination. As the story started to take form I realized that in the first version Neko-Ranma just fixed everything and that was pretty boring… soooo I reworked some scenes (most notably the amazon scene).

This was originally an oneshot but I decided to cut it in three since nearly 9k words is a bit longish for an oneshot. And just had to add the epilogue…

So… who's going to make the insane Christmas story this year? Where Mousse is mistaken for the turkey and Ryoga gets an apple in his mouth… mmmhhmm ham…


End file.
